How To Choose A Mistress

Benjamin Franklin fan club will now come to order.

We are gathered at what will be his 279th 17th birthday January - did not honor his achievements as a clogged patriot, but his delight as irreverent advice columnist

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It was inevitable that Franklin will develop into a great free-thinker of his generation. He began at the age of 12 years in Boston as an intern in his timid brother James who was a writer and publisher of the New England Courant ."

Franklin brothers quickly got into trouble challenging power. James was often jailed for "defamation" and or "contempt " of public officials. In such circumstances, Ben filled columns "Courant" with commentary titled "Silence Dogood, the widow of ."

In an article of Mrs. Dogood opined: "It is time for a question with me whether the Commonwealth suffers more hypocritical pretenders to religion or openly profane However, some late thoughts of this nature are prone to me. I think it is Babbitt is more dangerous person than two, especially if it supports the position in the government ."

Ben scandalized colonies concerning Walk Mrs. Dogood who wrote:

"I soon came up with the company of women by throwing the head to the left and right to everyone who makes, I found out no other design than to revive the spirit of love disappointed graduates and expose themselves to sell first bidder.

"On the whole I conclude that our night-walkers are a group of people that contribute to good health and satisfaction of those who were tired with the business and occasionally to observe their nice gesture and impertinencies ."

After five years, Ben runaway hit - a crime - first in New York to Philadelphia and then in London. High living in England - including a nice amount of easy virtue woman - convinced him to return to Philadelphia, where there were fewer temptations

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Ben finally settled with a former sweetheart, Deborah, who was married and was deserted by another man. Two problems prevent the Ben and Deborah from formalizing their union. Her husband can come back anytime, and Ben bought a baby son from his marriage with a woman is never identified.

Family life mellowed Ben. He began Gazette newspaper, "published" Poor Richard's Almanac "and managed a large volume of printing for the colony. He was appointed postmaster general and served on many government commissions.

Ben retired from business in middle age to devote his time to writing, science and public affairs. He discovered electricity, invented bifocal glasses, introduced a postage stamp, designed and built an efficient stove "accordion" of tuned glass bowls.

At the age of 70 he took an active role in the American Revolution. He served many years as ambassador to France and to 80 by the U.S. Constitution.

During his busy years later, Ben has written a letter ribald - a replacement for Silence Dogood and Poor Richard column

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In a speech described by Polly Baker in which the woman so aptly pleaded for mercy for the fifth trial of bastardy to the presiding judge reportedly married and had 15 children.

letter to the Academy of Brussels, proposed a project to convert natural gas hose perfume - so as not to offend people at social gatherings,

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My favorite is a letter to his nephew, which contains tips for choosing a mistress. This is a subject on which Ben is believed to be an expert.

"In all your amours, " wrote Ben, you should prefer old women younger ones, for the following reasons:

"first, because they have more knowledge about the world, and their minds are better stored with observations, their conversation is more improving and continuing drag.

"2 When a woman ceases to be a nice learning to be good. to maintain its influence over people, they reduce the beauty supply increase efficiency. They learn how to do a thousand services small and large, these are the most tender and useful friends when you ill. So they're still friendly. There is such a thing can be difficult to find as an old woman who is not a good woman.

"3 Because there is no danger of children, which irregularly produced may be attended with much inconvenience.

"4, because the more experience they are more prudent and discreet, in the performance of intrigue to prevent suspicion. commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to its reputation. And with respect to its, if affairs should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclined to excuse an old woman who would kindly take care of a young man, form his way of her good advice, and prevent his ruining his health and fortune among mercenary prostitutes.

"5 For every animal that walks upright lack of fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest part. face first grows dry and wrinkled. Then the neck. Then, chest and arms. The lower parts still take a plunge always. by covering all the above with a basket, and regarding only what is below the belt, it is impossible to tell the old woman, from the young one. As the dark all cats are gray, pleasure, physical pleasure with the old lady is at least equal , and often superior to - any sense of being, in practice, capable of improving

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"6 For the sin is less. debauching of virgin indeed be her downfall and that of her unhappy life.

"7 because it is less remorse. Having a young girl miserable May give you a bitter reflections, none of which can attend making an old lady happy.

"8 Finally, they were so grateful !"

January 19, 1985
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